Why I Accidentally Didn’t Start Dating Until Age 32 as a Late Bloomer
- Allora Dannon
- Jul 31
- 4 min read
I like to tell people that I accidentally didn’t start dating until the age of 32. Because, honestly, that's what it felt like: an accident. It wasn’t like I woke up each day and consciously told myself “Hm, Dating? Nah, not for me.” It was more that I just busy living life.
I went to college early (which, in hindsight, probably did contribute a little bit to my chronic singleness). I graduated with my bachelor's when I was 19, so my age never meshed up with anyone while I was in school (which was where many of my younger siblings met their future spouses). At the time, I wasn't really worried about it. I didn't know anyone I wanted to date.
Fast forward to getting through graduate school, starting my first job, and travelling solo. When people say "love will find you," or "you don't have to look for it," or "it'll happen eventually," I laugh a bit.
Because here I was, living this big beautiful life, and love just wasn't happening.
I'm the oldest of 10 kids. All of my siblings had no problem meeting people through college, through work, through extracurricular activities. They all started to partner up. Even my youngest sister, by the time I was 32 (she was 16), had already had two boyfriends. Nobody had an issue meeting people except for me. And, despite all I did and accomplished, it just felt like this part of my life was passing me by.
I started to avoid dating and put my time and energy into things that I knew would have known positive outcomes. I knew if I went to school, I could get a degree. If I pursued my job, I could develop a career. If I wrote a story, I could write a book. If I read a book, I could enjoy a book. If I planned a trip, I could go on a trip. Those had known positive outcomes.
But the thing that's hard about dating is no matter how much time and effort you put into it, there is no known guaranteed positive outcome.
You are hoping to connect with someone looking for a partner at the same time that you're looking for one and that you just meet each other and mesh. It's wild. But because I didn't have those relationship milestones, the older I got, the more embarrassed I became. It crippled me, this feeling of being inadequate or some sort of like grotesque gargoyle.
Because how was everyone else in the world meeting people, but I was somehow repelling everyone I met? As years went by without anyone paying me any romantic attention at all, the concept of chance, serendipity, or a "meet cute moment" just didn't seem like it was applicable in my situation.
I had no idea that being a late bloomer, not having romantic experience until later in life, is actually super common. I literally thought I was the only person to have this lack of experience in the entire world.
That fear and shame compounded as I got older, because my initial embarrassment over my inexperience morphed into shame. It stopped me from even trying because, as far as I was concerned, who's going to want to deal with this? No one has ever wanted me, so maybe no one ever will. For about ten years I'd downloaded dating apps for about 2 weeks, quickly get overwhelmed or creeped out, and then delete them with the self-assurance that I'd "try again next year." Instead, I spent my time on the things that brought me joy and known positive outcomes (friends, family, career, education, hobbies, travel, food, etc).
It came to a boiling point when I turned 32. I realized one day that, although I did love the life I'd built, it would look exactly the same in 30 years if I did nothing to change it. And, for the first time, I wasn't okay with that.
So I said, fuck it, I don't want to be ashamed about this anymore. A lack of opportunity to love someone, or to be loved by someone, is not a reason for shame. Despite my inhibitions and feeling like this was my most closely guarded secret, my lack of dating experience should be just a fact about me, like the fact that I have dark hair, brown eyes.
It's not indicative of my value or my worth. It's just how I lived my life up until now.
Now I talk at nauseum about it, and I've become an accidental like late bloomer spokesperson. I always tell people this is my soapbox moment--the hill I will die on. Because we can't be late for our own lives! And we can do things scared.
So, if you're new here--welcome! I'll be posting chaotic musings on dating, being a late bloomer/adult virgin, writing, and life in general on a bi-weekly basis.
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I see you in 2 weeks for another post. ♥
-Allora
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