When Do I Tell Someone I'm a Late Bloomer?

40 Year Old Virgin

This is actually a question I get asked all the time. And I get it! As late bloomers, we carry so much fear, shame, and embarrassment over our lack of romantic experience that it's easy to ruminate on how people will react to us. Sometimes our dread is compounded by life experiences— where we told someone in a moment of bravery and were only rewarded with a lackluster response.

Add that to the outdated stigmas around adult virgins (*cough40YearOldVirgincough*) and you've got a mean self-esteem cocktail brewing.

1. No one is owed this information about you until you feel ready to give it. We often fall into the trap of viewing our romantic inexperience as a character flaw or something that needs to be overlooked or accepted in order to see value in us. It's simply not true. Do you fault someone for not watching a favorite movie of yours yet? Or not trying one of your favorite foods? OF COURSE NOT. The human experience is vast and varied. The idea that romantic experience has to happen on a specific timeline is ludicrous. Not experiencing something yet is not a character flaw, it's just a part of your story. And you have more chapters waiting to be written. So what can you say instead if you are asked about your romantic history? You can change the subject—divert into casual, safe statements about how difficult modern dating culture can be (this is a topic everyone likes to weigh in on—coupled and single folks alike). OR, you can simply reply: "I don't have much dating experience yet." Boom done. It's not the whole truth, and it's not a lie either. Which leads us to point #2...
   

2. How someone responds to you says everything about them. Anyone who belittles or ridicules you just demonstrated that they are red-flag-trash and not worth your time. In fact, I'd like to think of someone's response as a red flag/green flag test in and of itself. Someone who reacts with understanding? Green flag. Anyone else?

Dodge that bullet! It's just the trash taking itself out.

I talk about these late bloomery topics and more in my new book, Who is She? A Late Bloomer's Survival Guide out on October 7th 2025.

Have a Late Bloomer question?

Email it to me and you might see it answered on TikTok or on this blog!

See you in two weeks for our next blog post.

xoxo,

Allora