Oh hi, it’s Allora.
Remember me? I’m 33, a late bloomer, and BOY HOWDY did 2023 take me for a ride. Life came surprisingly hard and fast this year, and I’m still catching up. I wanted to say hello as I take a minute to breathe and get my bearings.
How are you?
Are you doing okay?
I know, generally speaking, that you probably are. But I also know that the holidays are difficult for many people—single or otherwise—and I wanted to check in.
The thing about the holidays is that there is so much wanting wrapped up in them, isn’t here? Mourning memories or joys you no longer have (or never had) mingled with painful hopes for the future. It’s a time of year we reflect on what is and what we think should be for ourselves, our families, and in our lives. When all of the year’s challenges and pressures build up to a boiling point and either explode or fizzle away. When you are forced to look back at how you spent your days, wonder if you’ve spent them wisely, and if you accomplished what you should have, or chased your dreams enough. No wonder it’s so easy to slip into melancholy during the holiday season. To drown in what ifs that linger just out of reach in our periphery.
The holidays have always been difficult for me, especially as I watched all my younger siblings slowly pair off and grow up year after year while I remained, seemingly, unchanged and forever alone. There have been so many Christmases when the pain of that solitude was wholly consuming, and I would desperately try to mask it somehow in the bustle of the season. I know that pain all too well.
And now, coming to the close of a year with undeniable, explosive change and growth, I still feel a touch of that melancholy. I’m still scrambling to find my footing when—in good ways and bad—almost every facet of my life has changed. I feel a bit unmoored, and I find myself searching for a new baseline of contentment, security, and peace.
There is always a price, I think, for chasing your dreams. And that price may very likely be worth it, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t terrifying, or exhausting, or that success will come exactly as you were expecting it to.
I always feel reflective in this weird in between week of Christmas and New Years, where life slows down a bit. Exactly today one year ago, I made two (at the time) seemingly small decisions (downloading a dating app and telling TikTok about it) that set off a whole chain of events that I could have never anticipated:
I shed my own shame of late bloomer stigma.
I met all of you, and I realized how less lonely shared experiences can make someone feel.
I felt like I was actually reaching people with my stories for the first time in my own odd way.
I finished my most challenging manuscript edit yet.
I fell in love.
I met Drew Barrymore.
I experienced the highs and lows of being in a relationship for the first time.
I witnessed the kindness of (not really) strangers on TikTok firsthand as you helped me set up my first home.
I struggled with mental health for the first time.
I bought my first house.
I moved away from home for the first time.
I relentlessly pursued my publishing dreams and am about to query the latest draft of my manuscript once again.
I pushed through financial, emotional, and physical hardships.
I unleashed my own hidden “sexual goddess”
I learned what love and loss feel like.
I learned that I am strong enough get through anything, but it’s ok to rest, slow down, and—most importantly—ask for help.
You could be one decision, one seemingly small action away from cataclysmic change—good or bad. The thing you’ve always wanted could be just out of reach, but you might just reach it if you try to peep out of your comfort zone (even just for a little while).
So I guess that’s why I’m writing. I know this time of year is hard. I know changing your life can be exhausting, overwhelming, and/or scary. But what if your life does, in fact, change? It could all go wrong, absolutely, but what if it all goes right? What if it’s a little bit of both? What if it’s an explosion?
What if?
I want you to know I see you, I see your stories, and I see how so many of us have felt a shared pain. But if I could encourage you to do anything, it would be to make the same 3 promises I made myself one year ago today:
I’m rooting for you.
You all helped changed my life, and I’ll never forget that. And I don’t want to spam you with newsletters, but I am hoping to send more out soon in 2024.
And I am hoping for a beautiful year for us all.
Bye for now.
Xoxo,
Allora Dannon
